


A Dramady of Mythic Proportions

by qualapec



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-05
Updated: 2013-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-10 10:40:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/785116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qualapec/pseuds/qualapec
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When they married, it was for entirely political reasons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Dramady of Mythic Proportions

**Author's Note:**

> My friend ghostofthemotif (also a massive Frostiron fan) prompted me for a short wedding fic. How could I refuse?

When they married, it was for entirely political reasons.

Which meant Loki invited dozens of monstrous allies, enemies, and frenemies from every shadowy corner of the Nine Realms he’d dealt in. In this, he showed the degree he was willing to go to if it meant excluding his family from the event.

It was one hell of an audience. Literally.

Tony stood in front of the mirror and tightened his bow –tie, trying to read through the declaration Loki gave him on a handwritten slip of paper, then he got bored trying and went back to practicing his game face.

The door opened behind him, and Rhodey came storming in.

“How’s it looking out there?” Tony asked.

“Hungry,” Rhodey answered, “Where did he find them all?”

“I have no idea.”

“This is insane. You’re insane for going out there.”

“Well, you only live once.”

“I’ll make sure that exact phrase is included in your obituary.” Rhodey stopped, straightened his suit, and looked Tony over. “You’re really going to do this?”

Tony stopped fidgeting and picked up the heavy slip of paper before folding it into his jacket pocket. “Sure. I mean, it makes a lot of sense...”

“It doesn’t.” Rhodey sighed. “That’s all right; I’ve resigned myself to quietly judging your choices anyway.”

Tony glanced as subtly as possible at his phone. “So, is Pepper---“

“No, she’s not,” Rhodey said.

“That’s all right. She’s a grown woman and she can…do whatever he wants. She’ll be sad she missed the reception though.” Tony said, trying to look at anything in the room but Rhodey’s face.

He felt Rhodey put a hand on his shoulder – it was comforting.

That was when Loki barged through the door like a storm. “ _Stark_.”

Tony checked his phone. “Hello, honey. Don’t you know it’s bad luck to---“

Loki picked him up by the shirt and lifted him against the mirror. “ _You_ invited Thor.”

“You told me I could invite my friends. He’s a friend.”

“You knew I didn’t want anyone from Asgard here.”

“ _Look,_ ” Tony snapped. “I know you wanted big daddy to find out about this through the grapevine and have an aneurism over you shacking up with a mortal. Believe me, I get it. If my dad was still alive I would have married Rhodey just to piss him off.”

“Wait, _what_?”

Tony ignored the glare Rhodey shot him, and kept talking, “Thor is my friend. And a living battering ram. There was no way I was gonna shut him out of this, even if I wanted to. If you wanna call it off--“

Loki dropped him back onto the table with a loud thump, and then turned on his heel to storm out. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Rhodey, who’d watched the whole thing from the sidelines, shot Tony A Look as he dusted off. “Your fiancé is such a nice guy.”

“He’s not my…” Tony was tired of correcting people. “For the last time, it’s not a marriage. It’s a nondenominational…political pledge thing to make some of his allies on the outside happy.” Meaning they’d be less likely to target either of them anymore. They were stronger together, and their enemies knew that. Besides, they’d been together for a while anyway, so Tony was all for making a statement of it.

“Tony that’s exactly what a marriage is.”

He flipped his phone out again. No messages. That was when Rhodey expertly plucked it out of his fingers and shut it off. Tony grabbed at it, cursing and grumbling, but Rhodey was too fast. “You get this back after the ceremony.”

“You’re not the best man you’re a bridesmaid.”

“I thought you said it wasn’t a wedding?”

~~~

They stepped out into the crowd, and Tony’s stomach clenched up on itself. He was used to being around some bad things; he just wasn’t used to seeing them all in one place.

They were in an old, dilapidated church in New England, that stood on the banks of a large, misty river. There’d been some bad stuff a few years ago, some Satan worshippers that got a little more than they bargained for – not Satan, but something in the same league. Ever since then, the church remained abandoned. The flock did their best to come to services there as soon as the cops said it wasn’t a crime scene any longer, but it just felt too strange to stay. Rapidly, they all stopped coming, until the preacher finally closed the door and put the place up for sale. It wasn’t a house of worship any longer. Loki had thought a symbolic blend of their cultural customs would be ideal (“There is this one unionish kind of ritual we could use. Doesn’t mean anything.”), and SHIELD picked the location. Tony’s promise to Loki had been in place for some time, and he’d proven himself a greater asset than threat, so they were all too willing to solidify the arrangement.

Every single man, woman, amorphous blob, eldritch abomination, and alien invited by Loki filled the pews, even encroaching on Tony’s side, which was perfectly okay as far as he was concerned, because if even one of these things decided to go rogue, the rest would, and then it would be a blood bath. Tony’s friends were sitting near the front. They were an island of familiar faces surrounded by a sea of tentacles. Tony swallowed as he walked down the aisle, recognizing several faces belonging to plans thwarted by the Avengers.

They were here under a treaty of peace, but Tony didn’t want to push it.

As he approached the front, he saw Loki whispering with some pale, doglike, leggy creature Tony didn’t recognize. They were speaking another language – all guttural noises and rolling vowels, simultaneously attractive and nauseating. Loki thanked it in Allspeak, and the creature bowed to him, opened a rift in the air, and left.

“Aw, sorry Fido couldn’t stay.” Tony asked Loki when he got to the front, keeping his voice quiet. He glanced around to the empty podium.  “What’s the holdup?”

“The man I hired to read the sacrament has been delayed,” Loki thoughtfully watched the space where the thing left.

“How delayed?”

“Indefinitely. We’ll have to find an alternative.”

Loki lifted his cane, thinking. “It is an important decision, with significant symbolic meaning.”

“Better think fast, because we have a room full of individuals that, in all honesty, should not be in the same room together.” Tony glanced around nervously, and he could feel the unease. “You should have let me bring the dancers.”

“I told you it would be fine to bring them, except for the fact that many of these charming creatures come from a period of time where human sacrifice was not uncommon.”

“Well, at least we wouldn’t be standing here like idiots.”

Loki was about to reply with something cutting - or possibly charming, Tony could never tell - when another arrival was announced. Everyone turned to look to the great double doors at the end, as Pepper Potts was lead through by one of the SHIELD soldiers securing the premises. She was wearing a pink dress that came to her knees, with lace wrapping around her shoulders. There was a flower in her hair, and she took the soldier’s hand, mindful of where she was stepping on the aisle.

She smiled at Tony, and he smiled back. He was incredibly glad he didn’t have to do this without her. “Ms. Potts,” he greeted.

“Mr. Stark,” she replied, and politely inclined her head to Loki. “You both look…very nice.”

“And you are radiant.”

She grinned, and there was something a little sad to it. “I’m glad I wasn’t too late.”

“You? Never. We’re actually waiting on the…” Tony’s thought process trailed off. “Loki? Hey, do you think…”

Loki’s brow dipped sharply in thought as he pieced Tony’s words together, figured out his meaning. He calculated for a microsecond, looking Pepper over. Tony recognized the little smirk Loki got when he realized that something Tony wanted happened to benefit him as well. “I suppose it would be all right. She is your close friend, not unknown, but she has no ambition in these circles.”

Pepper looked confused, and Tony grabbed her shoulders. “Actually, we have been waiting for you. We need someone to perform the ceremony. It’s just a little reading dealio, no big deal. Pepper! Pepper wait---“

She stopped when he loosely gripped her wrist, and if they hadn’t been standing in front of an assembly of hellbeasts, he was sure she would have hit him with her purse. Patiently, she smiled, and between her teeth, she whispered, “I am not going to perform a wedding ceremony for you.”

“It’ not a…Nevermind. You once reached into my chest cavity to pull out a loose wire. It’s not like this is _super_ different.”

“It is extremely different, Tony,” she pulled away forcefully, and he let her. “In fact, I don’t think I could possibly be angrier at you. I didn’t even want to come today and now you’re roping me into some crazy…”

“It would mean a lot to me,” he said quickly. “It means a lot that you came, it does. And I swear I didn’t plan this.” He made a mental note to ask Loki if he planned this. “It’s just, look, we’re really in a bind here and could use some help.”

Pepper looked torn, because she knew she shouldn’t give in, because she was still mad at him, but it was also a huge honor and she didn’t want to turn him down.

“Fine,” she said, voice heavy, “give me the script.”

Loki spread his hands and a heavy sheet of paper materialized there. Pepper took it from him, sparing a good 30 seconds to read it over and familiarize herself with the text. Carefully smoothing her dress as she went, she took her place in front of them. Lightly, she tapped the microphone, and it squealed uncomfortably.

Pepper read it clearly, in English, and Tony wasn’t thinking about how nice the words were, because Loki’s greatest skill was making things sound pretty and good. Pepper’s voice gave it a ring of honesty, and occasionally Loki would chance meeting his eyes, and Tony caught the faintest amused smile. Not mocking, fond, and it made his brain go haywire in a way that only a handful of people ever managed.

He was okay with this.

It was a political arrangement.

Or so they claimed.


End file.
